Monday, May 12, 2008

Why I don't value Fi

Why I don't value Fi

Basically, if someone thinks I don't like them or am "against" them, and my intentions are good, and I've told them that, I don't give a sh*t. I never have. If they won't believe me, I will let them think whatever. I won't go out on a limb to convince them of something I've already told them if they won't believe me. I won't align myself against someone for their sake. And I won't go the other way and say I don't like them because they've aligned themselves against me or they're "with" people who don't like me or something--that's stupid. Just because they're misunderstanding me doesn't mean I don't like them as a person. I hate it when people come up to me, if someone's been mean to me, and are like, "Yeah that person is stupid," and start exaggerating all their flaws. I hate that because it's not true. It's not truly understanding them as a person. I don't have mental "time" for such things. It gets in my way. No Ti-valuers are Fi-valuers...did you notice that? There's some...connection between Ti-Fe and devaluing Fi.

I love my Delta NF friends, but they will come to me worried about following one rule or another so as not to upset people they're indebted to or friends with. Or I will find them stuck in a relationship where they're catering to someone's social politicking rules for them for no good reason. And I'll encourage them not to worry about it, and I think that is what they want (maybe opening their Ne+Fi possibilities), but they seem to automatically take up those obligations as if they were a given, rather than some thing that is just "there" that should be worked around when it comes to doing whats right.

Myself, I follow those rules on the surface, by being polite, respectful, showing good will, but will never actually not be friends with someone else or not actually doing something I think should be done, regardless, just out of a need for freedom. I'm an incredibly moral person but social politics are just not something I will be bound to. I will respect them as people, and I will show good will. This usually exempts me from having to follow every rule. Most people "feel" better about me when I establish an understanding of them and their understanding of me that I'll still go my own way but I'm not against them. But when they still don't get it, I will simply not give in to that. It is against my nature.

I think I see the ESE I know doing this too. She always has a very calm but firm attitude: "We will be nice to everybody; we will not play favorites, and we will not play by your rules." *smile smile* lol She has such a fearsome grin, an implicit tension that works to force you to be happy and "nice" to others, lol. ^_^

Good Ethics Bad Ethics

Again, I don't value Fi. When someone influences me to be "against" or "for" another person, on condition of being "for" them, I am always very polite and encouraging, and try to understand the situation of why that person is offended and agree that the other did a bad thing. But in doing this I tend to make it clear that I will neither be for or against that person unless if I decide to do so by my own means. If this is threatening to them somehow or they interpret it as a sign of being "against" them, I will keep assuring them that my intentions are good but I will never give in. It's just not worth it to me.

I notice my beloved Delta NF friends not making those implicit clarifications in their statements. It's not so much that they are agreeing that the other person is bad so much as that they are either "lead along" into the Fi arrangement the other person is making, or they genuinely think this ethical positioning is important and should be done. And then they will come to me later and I will find they have been doing some sort of weird behavior because of it. And I encourage them not to do it because, well, I think they don't really want to be "aligned" against that person just because of their relationship with another (the ones I know like those Ne+Fi possibilities more than their limitations, I suppose). And I feel like I help to release them a little bit, which I what I think they want to do. I think they want good Fi and not bad Fi. Like I think I want to be genuine and kind in my every expression and not fake or hurtful, so if I was being that way I would want them to point it out so I can be better.

But, we're more prone to get involved in two different kind of ethical expressions. Like I notice that they can be very playful and silly and they take in my emotional expression quite deeply and profoundly which I like. I like to feel that "resonance" with someone, that relating to someone on a deep and personal level. (I don't interpret that as Fi "love" by the way. Fi being "love" is as inept a characterization as Fe being "laughy-ness." Fi is interpersonal, interconnected roles which may or may not involve "love" as much as it does an implied ethical understanding. I think this emotional connection with someone is neither Fi nor Fe; its just like you feel identification with them.) And I can respect social role boundaries and understandings, as explained before. But we tend to, when it comes down to it, follow one way of behavior over the other. Healthy, good Fi-valuers can value freedom of social association over keeping everyone's loyalties appeased. Healthy, good Fe-valuers can value freedom of expression over keeping everyone happy in mood and showing all good motives. But, each are prone to giving into different kinds of pressures, over the others, or different opportunities, if you will.

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